It's arrogant to assume you know what's best for your partner without asking, and it's naive to expect them to know what you need if you don't tell them.
We often avoid asking because it doesn’t feel romantic—we want to be understood without having to explain ourselves. Social media reinforces this idea, like when I saw a TikTok that said, "If she wanted to, she would." At first, I thought it captured that "bare minimum" we all expect.
But then I paused and reflected.
Sure, it seems like a lot of work to explain your soul to someone. Shouldn’t they just get it? And if they don’t, does that mean they don’t understand you at all? But maybe your soul is a complex tangle of experiences and traumas, something you’re still trying to unravel yourself.
You might think you know what your partner needs, but without asking, you’re just making assumptions.
There’s no shame in teaching your partner how to love you. Love is different for everyone, and communicating your needs doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person. The real issue comes when they stop listening after you’ve shared.
The right person isn’t someone who understands you perfectly from day one—they’re the one who’s willing to put in the effort to learn how to love you, to understand you deeply, and to grow with you.
You can either spend your life settling for something less than you deserve, or you can let go of the fantasy that love means they’ll “just know,” and take the real step toward love—by telling them what you truly want.
Some say love is about small touches, physical closeness, or being taken care of, having all your needs met.
I respectfully disagree. While those things matter, love is not just about grand gestures. That’s why I believe to be loved is to be considered, to have someone willing to learn how to love you, and to grow together.
And, honestly, I think I’ve found that person.